kungfufighting: (princess bride)
[personal profile] kungfufighting
"Why do we always fight on important dates?  Last time it was my birthday, now on our anniversary..."

"I know why.  It's because you always ask for things on these dates, and I get depressed because I can't give them to you, and then it all starts."

I'm 29.  I live with my husband of 2 years in my mother's house.  I sleep in a bunk bed.  My mom not only insists on doing, but folding my laundry.  Including my husband's underwear.

It's interesting what you take for granted, being married.  You assume you'll have a place of your own, you'll pay bills and go to school or work or both.  You'll look at each other and go, well, we're in our twenties now, but in ten years, things are gonna look great.  

We knew we'd end up losing our apartment.  It was just a matter of time.  He wasn't working, I only had a part time job.  We put it off for as long as we could.  Mostly because it seemed too ridiculous to bear - our first home together?  Nah.  It was there for good.

We spent the first part of June moving out in bits and pieces.  On our last trip away, after we'd locked up and dropped off the keys late at night, my husband got in the car and cried.  I did too, but only a little - I'd been crying all month, and I was already prepared for that moment.  All I could do was remind him over and over again, "We'll be fine.  I love you.  We'll be fine."

Up until the move, I kept telling him every time he got depressed, "It'll be fine.  As long as we have each other, it doesn't matter where we go."

It's kinda a little bit bullshit, isn't it?  We both knew it, too.  And even though he's in a great program in school that will give him a wonderful shot at a well paying job when he's done, for another year, we're still in limbo.  

When we got together, our assumed gender roles fell into place really quickly, I'm a little ashamed to say.  Being married brought out the dormant provider in my husband and the way, way dormant nurturer/domestic goddess in me.  He loved giving me things, I loved making our lives more beautiful and comfortable.  

Now, I have no home to spruce up.  No kitchen of my own to cook in.  And he has no means of income.  Love is literally all we have.  And yes, the answer is, it's been enough.  It is technically enough.

According to one of our songs (yes, we have an entire album's worth, because choosing is hard), love is all you need.

Just barely.  Saying "I love you" to each other nowadays seems to be code for just hang on.  

Date: 2011-10-31 07:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] everywordiwrite.livejournal.com
What a difficult thing to go through. I thought I was staring down the barrels of a similar gun a couple of months ago (albeit his parents' house, not mine) - but escaped. I hope it gets easier for you.

Date: 2011-10-31 11:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kungfufighting.livejournal.com
Thank you so much. I know it will - it's just the waiting. :)

Date: 2011-10-31 07:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] missingkeys.livejournal.com
What a powerful entry. I'm so sorry that this is so hard for you guys, but I'm very sure you'll both make it out the other side. *love*

Date: 2011-10-31 11:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kungfufighting.livejournal.com
Thank you so much, love. How nice of you to read it! :) I'm just plugging along with my Mary Sunshine Pollyanna attitude, y'know?

Date: 2011-11-01 03:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] missingkeys.livejournal.com
I'm trying to read all my friends' idol entries, though I can't say I have the time to read all of the others. Still, you guys are doing brilliantly. <3

Keep on keeping on, though, hon. You'll definitely get there.

Date: 2011-10-31 07:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] skeets.livejournal.com
This is an amazing piece. Keep hanging on, both of you. <3

Date: 2011-10-31 11:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kungfufighting.livejournal.com
Thank you! Much love for reading. :)

Date: 2011-10-31 08:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] solstice-singer.livejournal.com
This inspires me. Thank you for sharing it.

Date: 2011-10-31 11:23 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-11-01 12:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] noodledays.livejournal.com
such a challenge - wishing you all the best and continued "hanging on" strength.

Date: 2011-11-01 03:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] majesticarky.livejournal.com
I liked how honest this was. I hope things start looking up for you too soon.

Date: 2011-11-01 02:34 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] frecklestars.livejournal.com
Do just hang on though. You'll make it. *hugs*

Date: 2011-11-01 02:55 pm (UTC)
hollymath: (life)
From: [personal profile] hollymath
Oh, have I been there. I have hoped when there was nothing to feed that hope that things would get better. But they have. We're not there yet, in a lot of ways, but we're hanging on.

For what it's worth: you're not alone, and while I can't offer anything more than good wishes, you have those from me.

Date: 2011-11-01 08:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] m-malcontent.livejournal.com
This economy is a terrible thing. You guys will make it!

Date: 2011-11-01 10:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] basric.livejournal.com
Pain and hope, you write it well.

Date: 2011-11-02 12:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pixie117.livejournal.com
I'm sorry that things are so difficult for you, but I'm glad that you guys still keep your live strong. Great entry. I hope things get better soon.

Date: 2011-11-02 02:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alien-infinity.livejournal.com
Nice entry! I hope things get better soon for you.

Date: 2011-11-02 07:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] reallyginnyf.livejournal.com
What a wrenching thing to share, but you shared it so beautifully.

Date: 2011-11-02 09:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] karmasoup.livejournal.com
It's interesting how so many couples have their own sort of lingual code between themselves. Some day you'll both look back on this and laugh.

Date: 2011-11-02 11:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zeitgeistic.livejournal.com
:/ That would be such a hard time to go through. I hope you do hang on, and I wish you the best of luck.

Date: 2011-11-03 02:21 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] java-fiend.livejournal.com
What a difficult situation to find yourself in. I'm sorry that things are so hard and I do hope that you're able to hang on and come through it all into something better very soon.

Date: 2011-11-03 09:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] macloudt.livejournal.com
*hug* *points at icon*

Date: 2011-11-03 04:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] n3m3sis42.livejournal.com
*hugs*

I hope it gets better.

Date: 2011-11-03 10:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] muchtooarrogant.livejournal.com
I admire your strength. I moved out of my father's house the instant I started college, and I can't imagine what it must be like having to go back, especially with a partner. Great entry, I can feel your frustration.

Dan

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