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I just don't know anymore.
January blows. It's cold, it's gray, and everyone and their mom is depressed. I'm in some sort of bleeding funk I can't seem to get out of, and surrounding myself with people is only serving to make it worse. I'm never alone any more, but I'm lonely a good portion of the time.
I am an angst bucket.
Y'know, the list of things that I've fucked up in my time just keeps growing. You'd think at 22 that I'd be cutting down on the stupid shit. Oh, no. The stupid shit is morphing along with me. It's great.
I know full well that I'll be going back to school in September. The thing is, that's 9 months away. What am I going to do with that time? Smart answer - get my shit together.
My father keeps telling me that if I want to be an organized person, I have to start with my room and move forward. I think he might be right. Can't be an organized person if everything around you represents chaos, right?
Sometimes, I look at my friends, and I wonder what my role is. I'd like to think that I represent something relatively constant, something dependable. I mean, I'm just as flaky as they are, but I always find myself falling easily into this onee-san role. This big sister position. It does make sense - I mean, I've spent the last 10 years being a real older sister. It just seems like they all need to be given advice or taken care of at some point or another. And in all honesty, I like that. I can do that. I can be that person.
I need to be a little more responsible to do that fully, though. I need to grow up for the sake of my friends, for the sake of my family, for my own sake.
It's a lot to think about. Bah.
January blows. It's cold, it's gray, and everyone and their mom is depressed. I'm in some sort of bleeding funk I can't seem to get out of, and surrounding myself with people is only serving to make it worse. I'm never alone any more, but I'm lonely a good portion of the time.
I am an angst bucket.
Y'know, the list of things that I've fucked up in my time just keeps growing. You'd think at 22 that I'd be cutting down on the stupid shit. Oh, no. The stupid shit is morphing along with me. It's great.
I know full well that I'll be going back to school in September. The thing is, that's 9 months away. What am I going to do with that time? Smart answer - get my shit together.
My father keeps telling me that if I want to be an organized person, I have to start with my room and move forward. I think he might be right. Can't be an organized person if everything around you represents chaos, right?
Sometimes, I look at my friends, and I wonder what my role is. I'd like to think that I represent something relatively constant, something dependable. I mean, I'm just as flaky as they are, but I always find myself falling easily into this onee-san role. This big sister position. It does make sense - I mean, I've spent the last 10 years being a real older sister. It just seems like they all need to be given advice or taken care of at some point or another. And in all honesty, I like that. I can do that. I can be that person.
I need to be a little more responsible to do that fully, though. I need to grow up for the sake of my friends, for the sake of my family, for my own sake.
It's a lot to think about. Bah.
