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Jun. 20th, 2008 02:06 am Blah blah blah. That is what any entry I write right now will amount to. Enjoy.
I was super lonely this evening, and I don't quite know why. I usually relish being alone in the house. Maybe because it was nighttime and Ari was gone and my dad went to bed five minutes after he got home. I dunno. The past few days have been so ridiculously social that I know I needed the alone time, but when I had it, I didn't like it.
I decided today that I need to stop looking at fun little part-time, underpaid jobs and just suck it up and start working for real again. And, of course, that means office work. I HATE it that being a secretary is my only real professional skill. That is not how I wanted to end up when I was younger, even if it's not a permanent thing. I hate getting dressed up in stupid business casual clothes and answering phones and pretending that I give two shits about whatever office I'm working in. It drains my soul. Being a secretary is like being professionally unappreciated. It's getting paid to be taken for granted and stripped of any individuality whatsoever.
But I need money. I have debts. I have things I need. And that's just how it has to be.
Oh, well. At least I can be a bit choosy about the jobs I apply for, and I can avoid the offices I'd really despise, like real estate or insurance firms. There are some nice state jobs out there, including one with the Fish & Wildlife Service that I'm over-qualified for, so we'll see if I hear back from them.
I shouldn't complain. There are some people out there who, at 25, have absolutely no useful work experience, just odd bits and pieces. I could have a whole career if I was content to stay a secretary. At my age, that's saying something.
Doesn't mean I have to like it, though. I hate what I turn into when I'm working jobs like that. I'm grumpy and unpleasant enough as it is.
Oh, now I'm approaching maudlin. I'm going to go to bed, I think. Perhaps sleep will improve my mood.
I was super lonely this evening, and I don't quite know why. I usually relish being alone in the house. Maybe because it was nighttime and Ari was gone and my dad went to bed five minutes after he got home. I dunno. The past few days have been so ridiculously social that I know I needed the alone time, but when I had it, I didn't like it.
I decided today that I need to stop looking at fun little part-time, underpaid jobs and just suck it up and start working for real again. And, of course, that means office work. I HATE it that being a secretary is my only real professional skill. That is not how I wanted to end up when I was younger, even if it's not a permanent thing. I hate getting dressed up in stupid business casual clothes and answering phones and pretending that I give two shits about whatever office I'm working in. It drains my soul. Being a secretary is like being professionally unappreciated. It's getting paid to be taken for granted and stripped of any individuality whatsoever.
But I need money. I have debts. I have things I need. And that's just how it has to be.
Oh, well. At least I can be a bit choosy about the jobs I apply for, and I can avoid the offices I'd really despise, like real estate or insurance firms. There are some nice state jobs out there, including one with the Fish & Wildlife Service that I'm over-qualified for, so we'll see if I hear back from them.
I shouldn't complain. There are some people out there who, at 25, have absolutely no useful work experience, just odd bits and pieces. I could have a whole career if I was content to stay a secretary. At my age, that's saying something.
Doesn't mean I have to like it, though. I hate what I turn into when I'm working jobs like that. I'm grumpy and unpleasant enough as it is.
Oh, now I'm approaching maudlin. I'm going to go to bed, I think. Perhaps sleep will improve my mood.
