grrrrrrr.

Ohh, my head.  Worst allergy attack I've had in months last night.  Then, when I finally got to sleep, I was woken up just a couple of hours later by Ari's fucking pissant little friends screaming his name and banging on the door, all because they wanted their goddamn motherfucking PS2 memory card.  Jesus Christ.  I was so fucking angry at them, and I think they could tell.  They've always been a bit wary of me anyways, but now, if I've done my job correctly, they'll never look me in the eye again, and that's what I'm shooting for.

My allergies are still being all stupid, so I guess I should try and go take a nap.  I really want to knit, but the particles from the fibers will get into my nose and just make everything worse, so I suppose I can't.

Sorry, I just wanted to whine.  That's what LJ is for, people.

red lobster

Bollocks.  I really, REALLY want this haircut now.  I don't want to wait another week.  Once again, when the whim strikes me to cut my hair off, I have to do it immediately, otherwise I feel like exploding.

Tim Gunn is going to have his own show on Bravo.  I am ecstatic!  He will make me feel frumpy, yet loved, for that is what the Gunnster is good at.  When I see him, I'm reminded that the Top Chef people are in serious need of a show mentor.

Speaking of Top Chef... apparently Season 3 is the weepy season.  So many sad exits, so much crazy.  So much crying.  I blame Rocco DiSpirito for no reason other than he weirds me out.

I did some of my first lace knitting today, and it's much easier than I thought it would be.  I really like it.  I also love cables now.  I'll be putting those on frigging everything.  However, I cast on another Calorimetry today and promptly fucked it up beyond repair.  Between this and the ruining of the first one with the whole falling out of the car during the road trip thing, I think this particular skein of yarn is just not destined to be a Calorimetry.  I give up.  

Y'know, I've always been a believer in karma rather than luck.  I don't particularly think that things are random - in fact, I have a really hard time believing in a futile existence.  So, whenever things start to go poorly for me, I tend to blame myself.  But up until now, I didn't realize that I was blaming myself in the wrong way.  What I mean to say is, I am responsible for my own misery, but not in a did-something-bad-ten-years-ago way.  I've just been deliberately blinding myself from the very direct correlations between my decisions and the results they create.

And oh, timing.  It's funny how what I'm going through right now could be described as a result of the worst timing possible.  To only get to truly know and like someone right before he leaves for an entire year - it's killer.  Even more so because of the fact that we knew each other for a long, long time before anything really happened between us.  That looks pretty painful on the surface.

But.  When you really look at it, the timing is also the reason that it worked out.  If Meridan hadn't been leaving, we never would have taken that road trip to San Francisco.  And if we hadn't taken that trip, not only would the two of us not realized how much we liked each other, but the others probably wouldn't have grown so close to him either.  That trip was a godsend, and it was fantastic how everything fell into place.

Thing is, I've been a mess for a long, long time.  Most of that was because I was making very poor decisions about the people I was hanging around, the jobs I was taking, the conflicts that I threw myself into, and so on.  I am much smarter than I give myself credit for, and like it or not, I do know what's right for me.  I only recently realized that, and as soon as I did, my life improved tenfold.  That's all I'm really trying to say.  I'm not bitching about bad timing or bad karma anymore.  Both of those things can be changed, I think.

This is why I don't mind so much that I'm turning 25 in a couple of weeks.  I'm getting to be an old, saggy lady, but at least I'm getting smarter.